1. No Refunds given at any time.
2. No Lip, backtalk or sass to our Dark Lord.
3. No hope or prayers that God will save you.
4. No monkeys jumping on any beds.
5. No crying wolf, or shark, or Sasquatch.
6. No running, jumping, or cartwheels with scissors.
7. No takebacks.
8. No quitting, or quilting, or knitting.
9. No service, self service or bottle service.
10. No Not loving Straight-Razor Stalemate.
58. No profanity or calling for God.
59. No smoking cigars.
60. No heroes, idols or anyone inspiring.
61. No Ballywhoo, because I said so.
62. No cutting in line in front of other damned souls.
63. No food or drink inside the Carnival.
64. No seeking approval.
65. No music except the Devil's music.
66. No candy, treats, lollies or cakes.
67. No watching movies.
68. No beer, wine liquor or spirits.
69. Nevermore, nevermore.
70. No sniffing or licking bicycle seats.
71. No switching the batteries on remote controls
129. No littering.
130. No sexual encounters that end in release.
131. No eating after midnight.
132. No talking about Fight Club.
The following are taken to be true, but not shown or mentioned in the film:
659. No Prayers, Chants, or Mantras.
660. No Opening Presents.
661. No Using Mackintosh.
662. No Soliciting Services.
663. No cheating.